So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
