Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
