I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
