he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
