Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i now understand why vodka
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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