He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
