she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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