I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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