At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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