Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
