my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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