its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
