So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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