u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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