new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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