My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
