Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
