i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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