Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
