I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
