You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
