Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
