just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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