I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
