Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
