Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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