Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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