Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
