omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
