Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
