Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
