Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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