i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i drank out of a bidet.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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