oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
