New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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