Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
