this beer tastes like vomit already
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize