i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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