The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
