be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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