I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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