i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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