im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
