um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize