God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
