4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
