we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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