Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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