youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
