i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
