I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
