I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
