I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We are all done wearing pants today
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
