My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
