Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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