I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
