I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
