My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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