Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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