dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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