I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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