he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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