i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
