I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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