Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
