After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
