life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
