I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
