Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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