Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
