Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
