jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
