Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she peed on how many people?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
