There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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