Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
