Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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